A Pistache'
I opened the packet of chocolates and looked at the little chocolate balls wrapped in shiny red papers. I bought them from the grocery store that belongs to the honorable man named Carlson. God in heaven, what delicious treats I bought for myself! I placed the chocolates on the left corner of my bed, always keeping an eye on the red package. On the right side of the package there was a sign: open here! Why did it want me to open it so badly? What was it leading up to? Did it want me to get fat and grow pimples? I became angry and threw the package across the room. Smashing against the wall it must have ripped the ‘open here!’ sign, because the chocolates in the red shiny paper were lying all across the room. I was relieved.
First of all, I like the fact that you have the protagonist talk about chocolate. Also, the way he mentions God, and how wonderful the treats were is wonderful. It brings in the idea of God, as well as the pride he has for himself. Also, how he continues to "keep an eye" on the package I think is good as well.
ReplyDeleteHowever, while you use many descriptions, which the protagonist does, the words here are perhaps not the ones he would use. Usually his words not only give an image but what he feels about them as well. For instance, "the little chocolate balls wrapped in shiny red papers" do not give the feeling that he is looking forward to them- "little" implies that he doesn't really care about them at all. Since they are the focus of his mind, though, I think that they are more than just little chocolate balls wrapped in paper. Also, when he later throws them across the room in angry, I don't think the "chocolates in the red shiny paper" should be used again. To better illustrate his change of mood, one could here then describe the chocolates as annoying or evil or whatever he is feeling at the moment, to contrast his excitement from the beginning of the paragraph.
The questions add a nice voice to the protagonist, but I think this also could be said differently to voice the anger that he suddenly feels. I like how he suggests that the chocolates will make him fat and grow pimples- this shows how much he exaggerates- although growing fat and getting pimples might not be the things that he would worry about.
It is a great pastiche, though- you use a lot of great elements in the novel: just try and use more specific word choice and wording to really get the protagonist's character down.
Hey Jorina,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Adrienne about the concept of discussing chocolates, as chocolates are usually associated with a joyous and positive conatation, while the novel Hunger is very depressing. I agree with your portrayal of the protagonist, a man who is fickle and continuously goes back on his words. This was illustrated when he at first admires the red package, but latter tosses it away in frustration and anger. It's interesting how in your pistache, you referred to the word 'God' with a positive connatation, as throughout the novel we are aware of his rage and angry at God for letting him down in life.
In terms of structure I couldn't agree more. I too felt Hamsun utilized short sentences about his day to day life, as then he can easily insert his varying emotions about the event.
Bye,
Sabrina
To start, this is a pastiche, not a pistache. Pistache is not an English word (but it is a dutch one, http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pistache). Pastiche, on the other hand, is (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pastiche).
ReplyDeleteYour pastiche contains many traits the protagonist of Hunger exhibits, however some are either exaggerated or played off. The line that stuck me as the most reminiscent of Hamsun and his protagonist was, "God in heaven, what delicious treats I bought for myself!" I could picture the protagonist exclaiming that phrase in my head (mostly). Otherwise, I found a deterioration of your mimicking in the lines: "Why did it want me to open it so badly? What was it leading up to? Did it want me to get fat and grow pimples? I became angry and threw the package across the room." Hamsun's protagonist does ask questions of his surroundings, and he is impulsive as well, but the rate of your accelerated anger does not match the protagonist's, in my opinion. In addition, your questions asked do not seem like ones the protagonist would ask. Instead, I would imagine him questioning what authority the package had over his own self. Who was to impose their will on the protagonist? Did they think he was incapable to assess and discern where to open the package?
Dopdop, skadoo